I'll Tell Him Tomorrow
by Viggar
Summary: Everyone is back on their last year at Hogwarts. Pansy has finally got her prince,but one day she catch Draco together with another girl, however Draco doesn't know he's been busted.. Will Pansy ever get the courage to tell him?
1. I'll Tell Him Tomorrow

I'll Tell Him Tomorrow

By Viggar

_Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the plot_

**A/N: Okay, so I know I promised that my next story would be My Destiny, but then this one pumped up and it just wouldn't leave my mind, so I couldn't concentrate on writing My Destiny before this one is "out of the way" if you know what I mean.. **

**Anyway, this story is set after the war; everyone is back on their last year at Hogwarts. Pansy has finally got her prince, and everything seems to be heading her way. But every rose has their thorns. One day she catch Draco together with another girl, however Draco doesn't know he's been busted, but will Pansy ever get the courage to tell him?**

**I'd never imagined that I would write a Pansy/Draco story but as you can see I did, so please take your time to read and review^-^**

My name is Pansy Parkinson and I have only one regret; that I'd ever fell in love with Draco Malfoy! He's my boyfriend for that matter, or was... Anyway, now you would probably think, "wow you go girl, you have him, the sexiest guy in Hogwarts". In the beginning I thought so too, but the only problem here is, I don't have him… She does. Who's she you might wonder, yeah wouldn't I like to know. Well all I know about her is, that she is the blond Slytherin girl who stole my boyfriend! I actually took them in the action; they just don't know it yet. I know sooner or later I probably have to confront Draco, tell him that I know, but here's an even bigger problem, if possible, I can't tell him. Every time I'd tried, the words just won't come out. I tell myself over and over again: Tomorrow! Tomorrow is the day I'm going to tell him. But tomorrow ends up being the day after tomorrow, then next week, or month, or year.

You would probably say I am a fool to stick around with such a looser, well I think so too, but I'm simply so lost. I keep hanging around waiting for 'the right moment' to show up. It just never does. I mean, haven't you ever loved someone so deep that you just can't let go? No matter how much they put you through, you still refuse to see the truth, even if it's right in front of you?

Right now I'm sitting on my bed, trying to sort these things out, but I probably never will…

Well it all started in the beginning of my seventh and last year at Hogwarts. I was on my way to a lecture in Charms and I noticed Draco walked the other way, I found that pretty weird since we have Charms together.

"Hey Drakey, you do know Charms is that way right?" I shouted after him half laughing at him as I pointed in the right direction.

Draco turned and looked at me with that irritating look he used to send me. No joy at all in that icy glare of his. "Don't worry Pan; I'll be there in time. I just forgot my charms book." Then he turned again and I watched him turn a corner.

Draco normally don't call me Pan, so being overwhelmed by joy it took me a few minutes to realize, that I was standing with his book in my hand. Sometimes I just carry his things around for him, just to touch something he'd touched. I know how weird that sounds, but I simply can't help it. It just sends all these wonderful tingles through my whole body. All most as when he touches my skin. At least that's how it used to feel... before.

Anyway when it finally crossed my mind that I was standing there in the middle of the corridor blankly staring out in the blue and holding his book in my hands, I couldn't help but think about how foolish of me not to notice before as I made my way towards the corner where he disappeared a short while ago.

As I looked down the empty corridor, I, to my surprise, heard Draco's voice. It was coming from an empty classroom on my left. I didn't give it much thought that Draco was in an empty classroom even though he just told me he was going to get his book, so I walked closer. I knew we were already late and that Professor McGonagal probably would give both of us a detention for that matter, but I didn't care, as long as the detention would be together with him.

I griped the doorknob, but just as I were about to stumble into the room I heard a girl voice. "Come on Draco, you don't want to leave already, you just got here."

I froze as I heard Draco, my Draco, reply, "don't worry beautiful, I'll see you later."

I was shaking hard as I leaned forward to look through the keyhole. "But Draco has Quidditch practice later, he always does," I whispered to myself. Through the small hole I could see a girl sitting on a table. Draco was standing between her spread legs, with his hands on her leg. She had long blond hair and her black and green Slytherin rope fitted her forms perfectly.

I remembered having seen her in our common room from time to time. As I recalled it she was on her sixed year at Hogwarts, but this just didn't make any sense to me. What would Draco want from a stupid blond sixth yeah, when he had me? The Slytherin princess.

Then suddenly Draco leaned in and kissed her on the mouth. A deep kiss I may add. I gasped. My mind just couldn't believe what my eyes were telling me. Was Draco really cheating on me?

Mentally I crashed into the room, shouted at Draco and demanded for him to explain himself as the girl was screaming out in pain caused by the Dolor curse I was holding her in, but physically I was just standing there on the other side of the door, feeling how tears started to run down my cheeks. My breathing got heavy and I started to sniffle. Then I ran. I ran without knowing the destination my legs were caring me to. Just ran to get away from him, her and everything else.

At last I stopped. My body were trembling hard both because of the shock and the long run. I looked around, I was almost down to the forbidden forest. In front of me was an old tree. I slowly walked a bit closer and looked up. I could see that some of the branches were folded kind of like a chair. I sighed and stated to climb up. It took some tries, but at last I got up. The view from up there was truly amazing, but sadly I couldn't even enjoy it. The only thing I could think of, was what I had just seen. I closed my eyes. Over and over again I saw Draco kiss her, but every time it had different endings. For my inner eye I saw how I shouted at both of them, or pushed the blond girl so she feel and broke her neck. I even saw myself on bended knees, begging Draco to drop her for me.

I sat there for a while. When I finally opened my eyes again, a dark cloud had covered the sun. Just matching my mood I guess. A chilly breeze makes the hair on my neck rise. I didn't want to get up. I simply couldn't. Even when the rain started to fall down I didn't move. My tears became one with the salty raindrops. I had never imagined that I could get hurt like this.

The rain was purring down, but even though I was soaked into my bare skin I didn't care. I was so cold, outside and inside, I felt nothing but pain, pain caused by the very person I trusted the most. I just didn't understand that someone I believed in could cause me so much misery.

I didn't move from the tree before the darkness started to fall. I just sat there, crying and feeling sorry for myself. Telling myself that I had to confront Draco with what he'd done. I slowly crawled down the trunk and started to walk back towards the castle. The rain had finally stopped; I could feel my wet school uniform and my robe cling my skin. I passed the Black Lake on my way back. I remembered how Draco and I had been sitting there for hours, sharing our deepest secrets. But now he had thrown it all away for a girl I barely even knew.

In the distince I could see the Quidditch field, but I couldn't spot any players. 'Of cause there's no players Pansy, you fool, he just told you that so he could be together with her, he lied to you', my mind screamed, but I wouldn't listen, I needed to be sure, maybe they're just behind the tribune. Just because I couldn't see them didn't mean they weren't there right?

I ran the last way and stopped in front of the entrees, took a deep breath and then I walked into the field, finding nothing but the green grass. Not even footsteps in the mud, I mean there had to be, from when the players landed, but no, nothing. Feeling my heart break all over again I started to slowly walk back. I mean it's not that I actually expected to find them there, but it still hurt, I had hoped so badly that I was wrong.

Finally I got to the castle doors. I hesitated. I really didn't want to go inside, but I didn't want to stay out in the cold either, besides I was dying to get my wet muddy clothes off and get a warm bath. Sighing deeply I opened the doors and walked inside. They made a lot of noise, as they swung open, "for Merlins sake Filch really should grease the hinges" I whispered to my self. As I walked by the great hall I could hear the cheerful voices from inside, telling me that the dinner has been served, First now I realized that I hadn't eat all day. Not that it mattered I wasn't hungry anyway.

As I walked by the open doors I cast a look inside, my eyes quickly caught Draco. He was sitting beside the blond girl, obviously telling her something funny, cause she was laughing.

I studied Draco from my place in the doorway; he had not a single drop of mud on his skin, his hair wasn't even wet by the rain. No sign at all that he had been outside playing quidditch like he told me he would. He looked so happy; like he didn't even care that I'd been away all day. That hurt just as much, as when I saw him kiss her. Suddenly he looked in my direction; I quickly moved a step to the side and placed my bag against the cold wooden door, praying he hadn't seen me. I felt my eyes fill with tears; a single one ran lonesome down my cheek which still was red and cold.

In the darkness from the other side of the door, I gathered all my courage and leaned forward to look inside the Great Hall again. Now he had his back to the door so he probably hadn't seen me. Otherwise he didn't care.

I slowly started to walk backwards towards the common room. I felt tired and dizzy, not to mention the cold I felt all over my body, on the outside, as well on the inside.

As I entered the girl's dormitory I immediately took of my soaked clothes and put on my bathrobe. I hurried into the bathroom and locked the door. I placed my bag up against the closed door and slid down until I was sitting on the floor. Now the tears once again started to flow freely. I sobbed as I pulled my legs to my chess, I swung my arms around my legs and buried my head in my arms.

I sat there for almost an hour, and then suddenly I heard footsteps outside the door. Afraid that someone might hear me I tried to hold back the sobs.

"Pansy?" a voice called. It was Draco. At some point I was happier than I had been the whole day, but on the other hand I felt sad and alone. I tried to get control over my voice when I replied.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" he asked. He didn't sound concerned at all, just like it was something he had to ask me.

"Yes, why?" I said. Knowing that he clearly could hear the sadness in my voice.

"Okay then. Not for anything in particular"

"Okay" I replied coldly, furious that he didn't care about I felt so bad. I mean it was totally obviously that I was sad. I sniffled. I felt so betrayed, so angry... So alone, and he acted like he didn't even care.

"I have something for you" He suddenly said like it was the most logical thing to say in a moment like this.

I sniffled again and dried my eyes with the back of my hand. "Wha… What is it?" I managed to say as I slowly got up. I have to admit that I was a bit curious. Okay that would be an understatement; I was filled to the brim with this feeling that almost seemed new in my body. Like it hasn't been there for years, the feeling of happiness that I'd hungered for all day.

"I won't tell, if you want it, you have to come out here and get it". He replied simply. I could hear in his voice that he was pretty pleased with himself right now.

"Okay" I said in a hesitating tone. "But I have to shower first" The last sentence, just babbled out of me, how could I be so cruel? He was standing outside with something for me. A present and here I was, saying that I needed shower first? What was I thinking? But I didn't get out even though I really wanted to. He couldn't see me like this. I really needed to shower first I knew that. "I promise to make it fast" I quickly added so he didn't think that I was mad at him.

"Fine I'll wait on the couch in front of the fireplace" He said joyful.

As I showered all I could think of was how happy he was, and that he had a present for me. I almost felt bad for being so mad at him. My heart kept on trying to convince my mind that it was just a mistake, that he really didn't wanted to kiss the blond girl, after all he was just a boy, boys mess up sometimes, that's how it goes, but now everything would might go back to the way it was. But it was like my mind wouldn't listen. I felt so split up inside. One part of me was so happy and the other side of me was so depressed.

I quickly finished the bath and put some clothes on. After a glance in the mirror I entered the common room. Draco was right where he said he would be. I sat down beside him. This felt awkward; it was like I didn't even know the boy sitting beside me anymore, somehow he was like a complete stranger after the episode. He smiled at me, and I forced myself to smile back.

For a short moment we sat there in silence, just watching each other, I could see he was trying to figure out what was on my mind. "So where have you been all day?" He asked, not removing his steady look from me.

I hesitated for a short second, trying to find a good explanation "I just didn't feel that good, so I decided to stay in bed" I lied

"You're such a bad liar" He replied with a smirk, "I was up here to look for you three times today" he said as he folded his hands in his lap and leaned forward in the couch.

He was here, looking for me. My inner voice screamed in joy. "Well I was out for a long walk to get some fresh air" I said in a convincing tone.

"Okay then"

I could see in his eyes he still didn't believe me, and it was killing him that I didn't wanted to tell him what I had been doing all day. He hated when I kept secrets from him, witch I rarely did, by the way. Anyway if anyone needed to explain him or herself it would be him, not me! That's for sure.

"So, you said you had something for me" I said trying to change the subject. I tried really hard not to gaze into his eyes for too long, cause I simply couldn't handle it, every time I looked at him, I saw in my inner eye how he kissed the blond.

"Yes I do have something for you." He said as he smirks. Then he pulled forward a small box and handed it over to me.

I was taking by surprise as I took it. My hands were shaking slightly. "Draco… What is it?" I said and switched uncomfortably in my seat. I was so nervous. I knew I had to tell him that I knew all about him and the blond. My mind was screaming that I had to tell him now, but another part of me didn't want him to know. I mean it wasn't such a big deal right? Now he brought me a present, and if I said anything about the girl, this moment we were sharing right now would be broken and I certainly didn't want that!

I slowly opened the fine box. It was in a dark green collar. As I opened it, the contents came clear to my sight. I gasped. Inside was the most beautiful necklace I had ever laid my eyes on. In a long silver chain hang a beautiful emerald on size of a coin. I took it up between my fingers and studied it for a long time. Then I looked up at Draco with tears in my eyes. "Thank you" I whispered. I couldn't stop thinking about how selfish I'd been, being so mad at him.

Draco's smirk grew wider as he got up and snapped the necklace out of my hand. He unfolded the chain as he walked over to stand right behind me. He let the cold metal touch my skin as he locked it on my neck. "I hope you like it" he whispered back, "It will probably fit perfectly with the dress your wearing at the graduation ball."

"Are you kidding me Dray? I love it!" I turned around and jumped up the couch as I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply on the mouth. I forgot all about the mysterious blond girl for a while, foolish of me of course. If I had been thinking about the kiss we shared there, I would know for sure that the blond wasn't going to stay in the past. Almost as soon as I kissed him he wrapped himself free from my grip. Showing me off by saying he was tired and needed to go to bed. He left me behind in the common room without even cast a single look over his shoulders. But that night I didn't care, I still felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

A couple of weeks passed by, and everything seemed to be back at normal. I had put 'the incident' behind me, and I was ready to start all over. Draco had avoided me since the night in the common room, so I only saw him when we had classes together, but that wasn't something new after all.

I was on my way to Potions together with most of my classmates, when I noticed Draco were standing with his back against the an big old statue of a evil-looking wizard, it looked like he was wating for someone, and naïve like I was, I thought he might be waiting for me. I smilled and started to struggle my way through the talking crowed of students. Draco hadn't seemed to notice me and when I was almost there, she showed up. I stopped like if I'd hit an invinsible wall or something, I wish I had thought, it would might have woke up my brain. Anyway I quickly swooped in on the other side of the statue so they couldn't see me.

Right on the other side of the statue I could hear them talk together. If I leaned up against the wall, I could see the girl stand against the wall now and Draco was standing in front of her. All the studendts kept moving by the statue to get to classes so I couldn't get anything out of the conversation they had. But after what seemed like an eternity, the hallway was all empty except for us. I tried not to breathe too heavily afraid that Draco would might hear me. But to be honest, I highly doubt he would notice anything at that point.

The girl sighed deeply "So when are you going to tell her about us?"

Draco didn't reply, like if he thought the silence would be answer enough for the girl.

"When Draco?" She seemed to be a little frustrated that he didn't reply. "You're still going to tell her right?"

I held my breath and focused all my energy to listen to what Draco's answer would be.

"Of course I am, just now isn't the best time"

"It never is Draco! We have been together for three months and you still haven't told her!" Now she was angry.

My jaw droped. Three months. Three months! For three months he'd been cheating on me and I didn't even know before a few weeks ago, that wasn't just a stupid-boy-mistake, that was for real. He really didn't care that he'd been screwing around behind my back for three months. I felt my eyes overflow with tears, but I knew I had to hold it back. I couldn't let them know I was here.

"I'm sorry Astoria," he mudderd, "I promise I will tell her soon" there was a long silence, before Draco spoke again, this time in a happier tone "you know how much I love your long blond hair Asto?" He smiled at her in a charming way.

I felt like someone just stabed my heart with a long icy cold knife. Astoria, so that was her name. The name of the girl who tried to steal away my boyfriend, my life! How could she! He was my everything, everyone at Hogwarts knew that. Even the Golden Trio knew that. It was just basic knowledge. And what's that 'Asto' all about? He had a nickname for her? And suddenly he just loved long blond hair, since when? I tried to study my own short hair in the shinning statue. He'd never told me he liked my hair, I just assumed he did, cause he'd never said anything bad about it either. So I just kept this ridiculously hairstyle all the years at Hogwarts for absolutly no reason at all.

I snapped out of my own thoughts when Astoria giggled. "Draco, what am I going to do with you?"

I quickly leand up agaist the wall again to see what was going on on the other side. She had wrapped both of her arms around his neck and his hands were on her hips.

"I will tell her soon" Draco assured her again without answering her question.

"Okay then," she mumbled then she sighed.

I saw how Draco leand in and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead before pulling back. He turned his back on her and started to walk towards the cold dungeon where the Potions lesson had started for about ten minutes ago.

"So I see you later?" She called after him.

"Six o'clock" he agreed without turning around to look at her. He turned a corner and disappeared out of my sigh.

Astoria stood there for a while before leaving the hallway as well.

Finally I could let go of the river of emotions that had piled up inside of me. I slid down the wall, as I sobbed deeply. Tears were flowing freely, like an endless stream. Everything was just one big mess. How would I ever survive a breakup from my one and only, my prince. I mean he was my whole life, everything I did, I did for him. No questions asked. I would do anything for him, I would walk to the end of the world and beyond for his sake. And now I was going to loose him forever. I sobbed again, this time not as loud as before. I felt I was loosing a side of my self. I kept thinking: If I loose him I am going to die, I can't live without him. But then something hit me, if I loose him. Maybe I could still win him back. I just had to fight for it. That's how it should be right? Fight for the one you love. And right there I knew, I was not letting go without a fight. "Watch it Asto I'm not going to give up that easy!" I mumbled to myself. "I'm going to fight to the very end!"


	2. To Fight for the One You Love

**Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the plotL**

**A/N: So second chapter. Enjoy and please let me know what you think.**

Okay, so I have to admit that the next couple of weeks weren't easy for me. I kept on pretending that I didn't know anything about Draco and, the now named girl, Astoria. I followed Draco more than ever now, and I tried really hard to be more interested in the things Draco liked to do, like play Quidditch. Personally I never liked the game, for me it's boring really, but it meant a lot to Draco, so in that way it had to mean a lot to me. Normally I only watch him play when there was a match between Slytherin and one of the other houses, but now I joined him every time he got near the quidditch field. First, because then it would seem like I cared about the stupid game, and second, then I could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn't visit "Blondie". I think at some point it really bugged Draco, but like I care, it wasn't me who was doing anything wrong. I was just paying attention to my boyfriend, right? And even though Draco was getting more and more mad at me, I still refused to leave him alone. He never told me how angry and irritated he was, but I could easily sense it. He looked for any excuses to meet up with Astoria, but still he didn't let me go. Come to think of it, I actually have no idea why he didn't just dump me, so he could be with her, I'm sure he must had some kind of feelings for me very deep down.

I remember one particular night. I was lying awake, in my bed. It was about two AM. The light from the full moon, were shining through the thin emerald green curtains in the girls dormitory room. Suddenly I heard voices from downstairs. I immediately recognized the one of them as Draco's. I listened tensely. Then I heard another voice, a girl's voice. I felt the nausea overcome me. It always does when I get really nervous. I literally threw my self out of the bed and stormed to the door. I tell you it was a miracle that I didn't wake any of the other girls. I sneaked down the stairs. Draco and Astoria hadn't heard me either. I saw her sitting on his lap staring deeply into his wonderful grey eyes. It made me sick. I stood there for a moment considering my next move and trying to get control over my heavy breathing. I took one last breath and then slowly walked forward in the light from the fireplace.

As soon as I did so, Astoria flew off his lab like a frightened kitten. "Draco what are you doing?" I said trying not to sound suspicious and hurt that another girl was using my boyfriend as a chair. I could see her blush even though she tried to hide her face in the shadows. Even Draco seemed to have lost his way of speaking for a short moment. After quickly, and not very discreetly, exchanging looks with her, he replied.

"We were just talking Pansy". He tried to sound convincing. He was completely unaware that I knew everything about those two, and now he was trying to make me fell guilty about it. I could see the blame in his look. Just like I had accused him for doing something he wasn't supposed to without any reason.

I rolled my eyes before replying "okay" my bare feet were beginning to get cold on the icy stone floor. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you, I'll just go back to bed," I mumbled with sadness in my voice. I turned on my heel and started to walk up the stairs to the dormitory room. I felt how the sorrow slowly started to rip my heart apart once again. As I laid my hand on the doorknob I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around in surprise. My eyes were filled with tears, but I held them back. Draco looked down at me from his full height. "What is it Draco?" I sniffled.

He looked deeply into my eyes. "Sorry Pan, but this is really not what it looks like. Astoria was just sad that's all. I comforted her. There's nothing between us," he assured me. Then he kissed my forehead and before I could respond his words he turned his back to me and walked downstairs once again.

That almost hurted more than the truth could ever do. He stood there lying straight to my face, looking me in my eyes. How could he do this to me? Why would he tread me so bad? What had I ever done to him to deserve this? I felt dizzy, sad and tired. I stumbled back into the room and placed my self on the bed. One of the other girls was snoring lightly from her bed. But I didn't really hear it, my mind was booked up with thoughts. If didn't know any better I don't doubt one single moment that I would have fell for his stupid lie. It really freaked me out. If he could lie to me just like that, what else had he lied to me about all these years I've known him?

I placed myself in my bed and wrapped the soft comforter around my slender cold body. It felt really like it comforted me somehow, like it was holding me close, protecting me from any harm. Far out I know, but I've always felt if I'm under my comforter in my bed, nothing can touch me. I feel almost immortal. But still the thoughts would not leave me alone. I thought about going down stairs once more, but what if I actually took them in action. How on earth would I be able to respond to that? Then it would most likely end with a huge fight, a fight I would never win. I was always weak around Draco and he knew it. He took good use at that all the time. No matter how often I told my self that today I'm going to say no to him, or today I'm going to get him back for all the pain he cost me, I knew deep inside that I would never be strong enough to really do something about it. In some way Draco wasn't the only one to blame here. I could at any time leave him behind and get on with my life if I just wanted to. But you see here's the problem. I didn't want to leave him, I didn't want to tell him that I couldn't deal with his lies anymore, I just wanted to be with him no matter what. That's all I ever wanted, how was I ever going to live without him? No I could never let go of him ever, I had to fight for it, and it was killing me that I knew he was down stairs alone with her now. And even worse was to think of what they might be doing. I tried really hard not to think of it and after some time I finally felt into a deep and troubled sleep.

The next morning I woke up it all stood clear to me. I had a great idea as to what I was going to do. This was probably going to be the hardest thing I had ever done, but it had to be done. I needed to let Draco meet up with her, and then spy on them, just to find out what Draco loved so much about her. I figured that maybe I could learn something from her, a part of me really didn't hope so but anyway. In that way I could change myself into what Draco wanted me to be. It all made sense now. I won't lie to you and say that I felt great or even good, but I felt better than I had for a very long time.

I rushed out of the bed and hurried out to the bathroom. It was a shiny Saturday morning. The birds were singing and the temperature was already high. I took a quickly shower, put on a pink dress and a bit of mascara. Looking in the mirror, I decided that I was done. I exited the bathroom and left the Slytherin common room. It was almost 7 in the morning, and I was starting to get a bit hungry. Weird, I haven't felt hungry since I found out "the big secret". I sat down at the Slytherin table and started to figure out what I would like to be on my slice of toast. The tables were already starting to fill up with students.

Suddenly Blaise Zabini sat down on the empty spot beside me. "Morning" he said smiling a little.

I sent him a cold smile back.

"So haven't seen much to you lately. What have you been up to?" He put a newly buttered piece of toast into his mouth.

I hesitated before replying. "Not much, hanging out with Draco"

He sent me a worried and sad look. "Yeah about that Pan, I really need to speak to you." But then he bit his tongue because in came Mr. Perfect. He sat down on the other side of Blaise without a word.

"Good morning Draco," I said trying to sound like nothing was wrong after the uncomfortable night.

He looked at me like he'd first noticed me now. "Good morning", he replied taking a bite of an egg he'd placed in front of him.

He looked tired and I guessed he hadn't slept much last night. After all he couldn't go to bed before he finished "comforting" Astoria. I hated to think of that. It made me sick. I pushed the last bites of the toast away from me and tried to keep my cool as I said: "It got pretty late last night huh?"

Draco looked at me first confused, like I was asking him if he wanted to walk on the moon or something like that, "Yes, she was heartbroken" he replied, suddenly looking very guilty. I noticed Blaise were sending him a death glare.

"I see," I mumbled fighting against the need to jump right at Draco and strike him hard in the face. Like I don't know you idiot a small voice in the back of my head was screaming, but I ignored it. "What happened to her, since she was so miserable? It must have been bad, were her boyfriend cheating on her or something?" The last words just flew out before I was able to stop them. I mentally slapped myself for not holding back.

Draco suddenly got very pale, yes more than usually, and shifted uncomfortable in his seat. Blaise looked worried from me to Draco a few times. "No, she doesn't have a boyfriend" the blond boy replied, and nervously looked around as if he was looking for an excuse to run off.

"But what was it then?" I kept pushing.

"Look Pansy, it's very personal for her. I'm sorry but it's none of your business" He quickly got up and left the table before I could ask him any more questions.

I sent an evil look in Astoria's direction. She was sitting with a small group of Slytherin girls looking far from sad. "Funny" I mumbled mostly to myself "she doesn't look unhappy to me, Draco must be a really good listener."

"Pansy, we need to talk," Blaise repeated now that Draco was out of hearing.

I nodded "Okay, talk to me". I looked awaiting at Blaise, who looked far from comfortable.

"Not here," he said "can you meet me in the owlery say tonight at eight?"

I looked at my watch. It was half past seven now. "Sure," I replied. Blaise nodded and got up. Before he left, I got a grab in his arm. "Can you tell me what this is all about?" I asked curiously.

He shakes his head a little, "I'm sorry Pansy, but not here"

"Okay," I replied a little disappointed, but the true was that I was almost sure what it was about. I've seen the looks Blaise had sent Draco under the entire meal, not to mention, the weird look on his face as I mention the word "cheating". He was going to tell me about Draco's affair. He wasn't aware that I already knew. Anyway that didn't matter now. I had to find Draco, and figure out my next move.

I got up and left the Great Hall. I rushed back to the common room, but Draco wasn't there. Annoyed that I missed him, I decided to go back to the Great Hall to follow Astoria instead. I ran back from where I just came, as fast as I could. I turned a corner and ran directly into the blond girl. I almost lost my balance, but unbelievably I didn't fell. Couldn't say Astoria was that lucky. She tilted backwards and landed on her back. The group of Slytherin girls following her anywhere unless she was together with Draco, gasped and almost fought to help their blond leader up.

My mind was spinning three times faster than usual. I didn't really plan for a directly meeting with her. I had no idea of what to say. A part of me wanted to apologize so I wouldn't get any trouble. But another, (and much stronger) part of me, wanted to do the opposite. I mean I do have my bad reputation to live up to. After all I am a Slytherin.

In the meantime, Astoria had got back on to her feet. She looked at me, like she was thinking the exact same thing as I was. At least I had a reason for hating her so much. She didn't have a reason for hating me. Not really anyway. I mean if anyone owned anyone an apology here it would definitely be her.

"Watch where you're going Parkinson!" She snapped and sent me a death glare.

Now this tricked me completely off, how dared she. "No, you watch it Blondie." I bit back. Passing students had stopped up to watch where this was going.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Bumping into me without even apologize to me!" She took one step closer to me, but I refused to flinch.

"Now why would I?" I replied coldly as I also took a step closer now wanting anyone to think I was the weak one.

"Why don't you just get lost, you fat cow" She spat angry.

"Well I tried to, but it's not my fault that it would be faster for me to jump over you than it would be to walk around you." I gave back through clinked teeth.

Astoria looked like she could jump right at me and kill me on the spot so I got ready to fight, but just then professor McGonagal walked in between. "What seems to be the problem here ladies?" She looked at us with her extremely angry look. I haven't even noticed her in the crowd.

I really didn't want to give my self a detention so I mumbled "nothing," as I mentally killed Astoria in every hurtful way I could possibly think of.

Astoria eyes pierced me down but I didn't care.

"No, that was what I was thinking" McGonagal turned to the crowed and sent them a hard look. "Nothing more to see here, move along." She pushed the first liners away and strolled up the big marble stairs.

I rolled my eyes and backed away before Astoria could say any more.

After turning a corner I stopped. I let out a loud sigh. I placed my back against the cold stonewall. I could hear Astoria now was complaining about how her clothes were getting dirty. It almost made me laugh.

"I can't believe that I'll have to put up with this, what does he see in her anyway? It's not like she's pretty or anything."

"Don't worry about it Asto' we all know who he's going to choose in the end," one of the other girls backed up.

"Yes, and I can't wait to see the look on Parkinsons face when he chooses me over her. It's going to be a blast."

Some of her friends chuckled.

I on the other hand, had heard more than enough. I knew I couldn't go a whole day listing to this. Not even if I wanted to. I sighed deeply and was about to walk down an empty corridor when I saw Draco. He was in a deep conversation with Blaise.

None of them had seen me, so I sneaked closer. Yes I know, I should be a spy or something like that. I don't know why, but people didn't really seem to notice me. Of course, that was only if I didn't want them to notice me. Anyway. As I got closer I was able to listen to their conversation. I took cover behind an open door that lead into an empty classroom. Through the chink I could see the two boys.

"Draco you know I always got your back, but this is far out man! You can't keep on pretending nothings wrong"

"Don't you think I know that Blaise?" Draco sighed. He let a hand glide through his silvery hair in frustration. "I know I have to choose, it's just so hard"

"Come on, you'll have to do better than that. It's not fair to any of them, and honestly I think you'd already made your choice. You just won't admit it." Blaise crossed his arms.

I had this weird feeling inside me. I think some of you can relate to that. I wanted to know who Draco had chosen, but deep inside I already knew that my self. So one part of me wanted to know, and yet the other part didn't want to know what I already knew. I didn't want to hear him say that he would choose Astoria. I couldn't bear to hear him say it.

"It's just.. Pansy is kind of my safety net, you know? I know what I got."

"But Draco, you can't keep her just because she makes you feel safe,"

"For the last time, I know that Blaise, and would you please get off my back now?" Draco snapped. He had the same expression on his face, like the one he sometimes had when I crossed the line.

Blaise noticed to, he just didn't care. "You don't have to sent me that look Draco. You know I'm right." Blaise eyes pierced Draco down. "Pansy is my friend too, and I see her getting more and more depressed each day."

"Why would Pansy be depressed?" Draco blinked a couple of times.

I felt like someone just gave me a belly flop. He didn't even know I was depressed. How could he not have noticed?

"Hmm I don't know Draco, why would she?" Blaise said sarcastic, "perhaps because you tread her like dirt?" He made a gesture with his hand as he sent Draco a hard look. "Don't you think she deserves better? Are you really that selfish?" His voice was low and exasperated.

Draco raised an eyebrow at his friend. "If I didn't know better I would say that you're falling for her?"

"Don't change the subject!" Blaise got really irritated now.

I couldn't believe that Blaise really would stick up for me like this. It was really weird. I'd never seen Blaise as anything but Draco's friend. And yet here he was, defending me, like a real friend should do. I didn't even know I had a friend like that.

"Well are you?" Draco pressed.

"No I'm not, but as I said, she's my friend too, and I don't like seeing people use other people just because they can."

"It's not like that Blaise, trust me, I really don't want to hurt her." Draco said now in a low voice. He looked at the floor, like he didn't dare to look Blaise in the eyes.

"Well, it's a bit too late for that my friend" Blaise informed. "Just do what you gotta do, but don't wait too long. I mean. I'm really concerned about her. She seems so lost all the time."

"She does?" He looked wondering up at Blaise, like it had been a huge secret, which Blaise just shared with him now.

I could swear that I saw a bit of hurt in those grey eyes of his. But it didn't change the fact that he hasn't even noticed anything about my behaviour. I mean Blaise had, and I didn't even know that he cared. On the other hand, he said he didn't wanted to hurt me, witch made my heart jump a bit faster. Maybe I haven't lost the game quite yet.

Blaise once more rolled his eyes. "Never mind, just think about what I said man."

Draco again looked at his own feet. "Do you think she knows?"

Blaise took in a deep sigh. "No, I don't think so. Not yet anyway. But she will find out someday, and you better tell her, before she hears it from someone else."

Draco nodded. "We better get back to class."

The two boys left the corridor. I waited a little before following them to our next class.

For the rest of the afternoon I decided to keep low profile. I didn't want Draco to be upset with me again, so I kept to myself until it was time to meet up with Blaise.

As I was about to leave the castle, I saw Draco coming in my direction. I turned my back to him and started to walk, pretending that I didn't see him. I had to get to the owlery fast; I was already a little late. That's just typical me.

Unfortunately Draco ran the last steps to my side. "Hi" he mumbled.

I turned and looked at him, I smiled in faked surprise, "Draco, I didn't even see you there."

Draco looked around not wanting to look at me.

"What's the matter?" I said feeling the same old feeling like someone was squeezing my stomach tightly.

Draco finally got the courage to look me in the eye. "Are you okay?"

The question completely puzzled me. "What do you mean? Shouldn't I be?" I asked.

"Yes I hope so." He looked around like he didn't want anyone to see us.

"Okay" I said. "Well I got to go." I once more turned my back to him. I had given up kissing him long time ago. I could feel he didn't want to. Every time I tried or begged for a kiss, it was only a short one either on my forehead or my cheek, and once in a while on my lips.

"Where're you going," he questioned as he placed himself in front of me.

I knew it would be a bad idea to tell him the truth. Especially after the conversation I overheard earlier. "Just out" I mumbled.

"Can I come?" He asked at started to walk towards the door, not waiting for my answer.

My heart sank. I had no idea how to react to this. He'd never wanted to follow me anywhere, so why did he have to do this now? I sighed deeply. "Sure."

He opened the door and held it for me. I knew Blaise were waiting for me, but I had no idea how to get rid of Draco. Funny, and all this time I tried to do the complete contrary.

We left the castle in silence. As we walked towards the forbidden forest, I could feel Draco's eyes on me. I looked up and I felt how my heart was trembling as we made eye contact. I put up a fake smile. "Why are you staring at me?" I said, as I turned my look towards the forest in the distance.

"Well, can I not stare at my girlfriend?" He wondered putting up a sly smile, as we passed an old tree.

I felt like someone just hit me hard in my stomach. Why did he have to do this all the time? Every time I was down, he would pull me a bit up, just to let me fall even deeper. "I guess so," I mumbled as I shook my shoulders.

Suddenly a felt his strong hands grip me and before I knew he had pressed me up against the tree. I looked at him with confusion in my eyes. Seriously I'd never seen that one coming. "Draco what are you doing?" I whispered, as we made eye contact.

"Just teasing you a bit." He said with a grin. He pressed his body against my own.

"Hilarious." I mumbled sarcastic and rolled my eyes at him.

"Seriously Pansy, what's wrong with you?" He said now getting angry again.

I pushed him away from me and put my hands on my hips. "Oh, so all at sudden something's wrong with me? Why is that exactly?"

"How the hell should I know? You just seem different." He hissed.

"Well maybe I would like to see a little more interest in me from my boyfriend, than just when he has sudden needs to be taking care of!" I said out loud and eyed him upside down.

"Fine! Then excuse me for showing you that I need you then!" He shouted before turning his back to me and leaving.

"But that the whole problem Draco" I spoke softly, as tears came to my eyes. "You'd never needed me."

He was far too long away to hear me. Maybe that was for the best anyway. I sniffled as I hurried back towards the owlery. I just hoped Blaise were still there.

Before entering the owlery, I dried my eyes and took in a deep breath. I walked in and to my relief I saw Blaise sit in the window with his one leg daggling down on the inside. His was leaning his back against the cold stonewall behind him as he stared out the window with a distant look in his eyes.

As he heard me come in he dragged himself out of his thoughts and turned the sad look against me. I heard him sigh in relief as a small smile reached his lips. "I was beginning to think that you'd turn me down."

I tried to return the smile, but instead it became a strange grimace, I looked the other way as new tears started to fill my eyes.

Blaise jumped down from where he was sitting and walked over to me, placing a hand on each shoulder. I tried so hard not to look him in the eyes, not to break down, but I knew that I'd already lost that fight. As soon as our eyes meet I couldn't hold back any longer. The tears streamed down my face, like they would never stop. Without a word Blaise pulled me closer. He wrapped his arms around me as he softly whispered into my ears that it was going to be alright, as a cried into his chest, making his shirt all wet.

After I finished releasing Niagara Falls, I looked up at him with red eyes.

"Let's sit down," Blaise suggested as he made a gesture with his hand.

I nodded and sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall. Blaise dropped down beside me.

"So?" He looked at me.

"So what?" I nervously replied.

"So what's the matter?"

I sighed. "I think you already know that now don't you?"

Blaise looked at me a bit confused. "I'm not quite sure that I know what you're talking about Pansy."

"Yes you do. I know what you're going to tell me. But I can make it easy for you, I already know." I stared dreamily out into the room.

I heard Blaise sink before asking: "How much do you know?"

I turned to look at him. "I know everything." I sniffled. "I know about Draco being with Astoria behind my back."

"You do?" Now Blaise really seemed surprised.

I nodded.

"But if you know, why don't you leave him then?" He wondered out loud.

I took in a deep breath, knowing that I couldn't give him a reasonable answer. After all I'd been asking myself the same question for the past few months now.

"I don't know," I replied after a short hesitation. "I mean… It's not like I don't want to… It's just... I feel like I can't. I can't live without him."

Blaise raised an eyebrow at me.

I sighed as I stared out the window on the opposite wall. "The truth is… My whole life I'd tried to make Draco happy. No matter what, I would do anything, anything, just to make him smile." I sniffled. "But if I'm not the person who's going to make Draco happy… Then who am I?"

I could sense Blaise looking at me. "Pansy, you're worth so much more. Haven't you ever thought that maybe you deserved someone who could make you happy? Someone, who would give you just as much as you give him, someone who actually loves you back."

I felt my shoulders tremble. "But what if I never find someone like that Blaise? I mean, nobody knows me better than Draco, and no one probably ever will."

"That's not true Pansy! You will find someone, and when you do he will be thrilled with all that you would sacrifice for him, and he will do the same for you."

"I just can't leave Draco," I started to cry again. "He's my one and only, I built my whole life around him, how will I ever get over that?"

"You will in time, I promise you that." Blaise placed a comforting arm around my shoulder. "You just have to believe it yourself."

I shake my head a bit. "But I don't Blaise. All I want is to be with him. That's all I ever wanted."

"But Pansy, you're hurting. No matter what you will ever do, it will never be enough"

I suddenly felt the need to defend Draco; I sent Blaise a hard look. "He's your best friend! How can you even say things like that about him?"

Blaise blinked a couple of times. "Don't get me wrong Pansy, he is my best friend and I will support him in every possible way I can think of, but in this case he just gone too far." Blaise sighed and looked at me.

"Well it's not your problem!" I hissed. I don't know why I suddenly felt all this hatred towards Blaise. Maybe it was because I knew he was right, but I didn't want to hear it.

I could sense how Blaise got a bit irritated. "Well I'm so sorry Pansy, I just want to help you" He sighed and looked at his feet. "Please, don't get mad."

I bit my lower lip when I felt a stroke of bad cosines hit me like a dagger in my heart. "Sorry Blaise, I'm not angry at you." I turned my glare toward the window once more. "I'm just mad a t this whole crappy situation."

Blaise nodded in understanding. "Pansy I will do anything to help you, but I can't as long as you won't take my help." I small smile came across his lips. "But until then, I'm willing to just listen."

I returned the smile. "Thanks Blaise, that really means a lot."

Once more he placed his arm around me and gave me a small squeeze. Then he clapped himself on his legs and got up. "We better get back,"

I nodded and got up as well.

"Just one last thing" Blaise looked at me with his dark eyes. "How and when did you find out."

I sank, not wanting to go through the sad memory once more. "I saw him in action some month ago" I admitted.

Blaise sighed deeply. "Okay."

We left the owlery without any other words.


	3. Going Good, Going Bad

**Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the plot**

**A/N: I', soooo sorry for letting you wait this long! I'll promise I'll do better next time! Enjoy and please let me know what you think.**

Through the following months my plan didn't work that well. It was close to a Quidditc game (Gryffindor vs. Slytherin) so Draco hadn't much time for neither me nor Astoria. To make it just a little worse, wasn't his practise going that well, which made him extremely grumpy.

I tried my best not to get in his way, but every time I did so, he just ran strait to Astoria. You should all think that I would probably getting use to that by now, but I guess I never will. Every time I caught them together, (luckily for me I'd only caught them in snogging) I had to put up with all kinds of excuses from Draco; "She just accidentally stumbled into my arms Pansy or we're just talking Pansy," but the first was when he said something like; "Don't worry Pan, you can trust me or I would never _ever_ cheat on you Pansy." Every time I could hear my self tell him that I trusted him even though I knew he was lying, and every time I could feel a part of me die, like I was becoming more and more numb.

It was also slowly starting to show physically. I only ate what was necessary to my own surviving, witch had made me jump down two sizes in clothes, witch now gave me that problem that I could no longer fit into my graduation dress.

Blaise had been a fantastic friend through my hell and every time, witch was almost all the time, I needed it, he gave a shoulder to cry on. He tried over and over again to tell me that I needed to go on with my life, but I would not listen, I kept on believing that Draco would come around.

I knew I had to do what ever it would take. Graduation was coming close and I would never aloud Draco to go with Astoria instead of me, so one night I decided to do something drastic, well to me it was anyway. I was standing in the girls bathroom looking into the mirror and remembering how Draco so very often had told Astoria how he loved her long golden hair, so now it was time for a change. I pulled out my wand as I made a nicely curve in the air and mumbling a charm I'd read from one of my books. Shortly after I could see how my hair started to grow, in no time it reached my lower back in soft natural curls. After studying it in disbelief for a moment, I realized how much better it looked on me. Casting a new spell I could see my dark brown hair turn into a light golden colour, now this I didn't like, but if Draco liked golden hair, then he was going to get it.

After one more glance in the mirror I left the bathroom. I entered the common room and found it almost empty. Two first years were sitting in front of a small window, practising an easy charm, but they couldn't make it work. In a soft armchair in front of the fireplace, sat Blaise reading a book. From the short distance I could reorganize the images, it was a book just like the one Draco had. 'To ride a broom right' I think it was called.

Blaise didn't look up before I was standing right in front of him, placing my hand over the book. Confused to be ripped out of his concentration he look up. Now an even more confused look spread on his dark skin. "Pansy?" he said in a tone somewhere between a laughter and a concern.

I ignored it. "No, the tooth-ferry silly. So what do you think?" I raised both hands over my head and spun around a few times, making my now long hair sway after me. I stopped and looked at him again. "So?"

Blaise tapped his chin and looked me upside down like he didn't know how to respond my question. "Well, it's... Different"

I felt my face drop. And he quickly added. "I really dig the long hair though."

I smiled, how could I except Blaise to like the blond when I didn't even my self. "Do you think Draco would like it?" I asked hopefully.

Blaise leaned forward and folded his hand in his lab. "If you wanted Draco's attention you would might go get a mirror to hang around your neck."

I couldn't help but laugh. Blaise joined in as soon as he realized that I didn't get mad over the fackt that he just joked about Draco.

After catching my breath I studded. "No for real. Do you think he would like it?"

Blaise leaned back in the couch again and shook his shoulders. "I don't know Pan, but in the end it doesn't matter what he thinks, as long as you like it."

I send him a sweet smile. A thing crossed my mind. Blaise was so sweet, thoughtful, funny and caring, all the things I wished to find in a man. My life would just be so much essayer if I was in love with Blaise rather than Draco.

He noticed I was starring at him with a dreaming look. He raised his eyebrow, "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, I just... Well... Oh it was nothing." I mumbled suddenly feeling very embarrassed.

"Don't be like that. Tell me." He ordered. Not the way Draco used to order, but in a sweet innocent way.

I laughed a short laughter. "I just thought it would be much essayer, if I was together with you, not Draco."

Then came the awkward silence. It lasted for a short moment, then Blaise broke it with a high warm laughter. The two first years looked up from their books. I couldn't help but laugh as well.

"I know, crazy right?" I sat down beside him.

Blaise removed a tear from his eye with the back of he hand. "Yeah a bit. But kind of sweet."

I smiled again.

Just then the door to the room swung open and Draco walked inside. Blaise sent me a time-to-find-out-look.

I nodded and walked over to Draco, who didn't seem to notice me, what a surprise.

"Hi Dray, you like my new look?" I said as I walked up right in front of him.

He looked at me in confusions. "What the hell did you do to your hair?" He snapped.

I ignored the angry undertone in his voice. "I made it longer and brighter" I informed in a dumb tone.

"Yes I can see that!" he shouted angry that I mocked him. "You're aware that graduation is in just two weeks right? How do you expect me to walk you to the ball when you look like _that_?"

"And what do you mean about that?" I screamed back placing my hands on my hips. "I thought you'd like it!"

"Well I don't! You look ridiculous. Turn it back!" He demanded.

I felt the tears forming in my eyes. "That's not up to you to decide!"

"Come again?" Draco looked way beyond furious.

"Why do you have to tread me so bad Draco?" I screamed as the tears now flow freely down my cheeks.

The two first years had given up reading their homework and now paid all their attention to the argument in front of them. But I didn't care. I was so hurt and angry that I didn't even notice Blaise was now standing beside me.

"Because I guess someone has to tell you the truth, and I did, you look awful!" Draco shouted getting red in his face from anger.

"Hey man cool it!" Blaise stepped in between the two of us.

Draco's eyes were glowing dangerously. "Stay out of this Blaise!" The blond sneered, but Blaise didn't move.

He was about to say something but before he could I cut in. "Don't Blaise. His not even worth it."

I turned my back to the two boys and ran out from the common room hearing Draco screaming something behind me, it sounded awfully much like 'Pansy get back here!'

But I didn't. I wouldn't. I kept on running till my breath ran out. I slowly started to walk through the corridors on the castle. I was humming a song I'd always held deer. Mostly because it reminded me so much of me and Draco. Draco of cause could never know, because it was a muggle who wrote it. I just couldn't help but start singing it to myself in a low tone, you know, just like when they burst out in songs in some kind of ridicules musical. I don't know why, but it kind of felt comforting to me.

_It's like you're a drug  
It's like you're a demon I can't face down  
It's like I'm stuck  
It's like I'm running from you all the time  
And I know I let you have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around  
It's like you're a leech  
Sucking the life from me  
It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me  
And I know I let you have all the power  
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time_

I passed an old mirror on my left. I cast a look into it. My now long golden hair was falling in a dreaming way around my pale face. I sniffled and took my wand pointed it at my head. A single fomulair and my hair turned into the normally brown color. I kept the lainght though.

I spun around one time and continued the way down the empty corridors.

_It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you  
It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams  
You've taken over me  
It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me_

I reached the stairs to the astronomy tower. I slowly walked up at the stairs as I kept on singen to my self in a low voice.

_It's like I'm lost  
It's like I'm giving up slowly  
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me  
Leave me alone  
And I know these voices in my head  
Are mine alone  
And I know I'll never change my ways  
If I don't give you up now_

I finally reached the end of the stairs. Fresh tears ran down my face. I sat down on the floor to get back my breath

_It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you  
It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams  
You've taken over me  
It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me_

I got up once more and walked to the edge of the tower. I looked down in the darkness below me. Depressed and angry as I was, I couldn't control the wave of tears running down my face just to disappear somewhere deep underneath me.

_I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time  
Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this  
I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time  
Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this_

I sat down on the floor sliding my bag down the cold stone wall.

_It's like I can't breathe  
It's like I can't see anything  
Nothing but you  
I'm addicted to you  
It's like I can't think  
Without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
In my dreams  
You've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me  
It's like I'm not me_

I sighed, as I listened to my voice fade in the empty room. "Oh Draco, what am I suppose to do?" I asked out.

After a short while I pulled myself together, knowing that I needed to go back. It was getting late and I was feeling dizzy and tired. As I walked back towards the common room I started to wonder if you at some point would have no more tears left. I felt like I had no more tears to cry. As I walked by the mirror I also passed earlier I cast a quick look at my self. My cheeks were a light collar of red, besides that and the now long hair, I looked like I always did. Tired, sad, dead eyes and thin, very thin actually. I walked a bit closer to the mirror, studying my self closely. First now I noticed how much weight I'd dropped. My cheeks were sunken and my collarbone were sticking out awfully much. I wrinkled my nose, not liking the reflection starring back at me. I knew things couldn't stay this way. There was just no way I could live my life like this. And what would happen to me and Draco's relationship after Hogwarts. If we even had a relationship by then.

I took in a deep breath before entering the common room. A part of me just hoped that Draco wasn't in, I couldn't stand another fight right now.

Unfortunately Draco was sitting in one of the soft armchairs in front of the fireplace. To my surprise he was alone this time, Astoria wasn't anywhere to spot. I didn't say a word, hoping that I could sneak my way into the girls doormen without him noticing me. I almost succeeded.

As I laid my hand on the doorknob I could hear Draco's tired and angry voice from behind me.

"Where have you been?"

It sounded more like a command than a question, witch made the anger rise inside me. "Just out" I replied coldly without turning to face him.

"Just out?" He repeated in a monotone voice. "And where's that precisely?"

"Does it matter?" I sighed as I finally faced him.

He glared down at me from his full high. "Would I ask if it didn't?"

I rolled my eyes, not caring that he noticed. "Draco please, I don't want to fight."

"Then tell me where you'd been" he commanded

"Just out to collect my thoughts if that's okay with you," I hissed

Draco sent me a weird and evil glare. "Funny, so did Blaise. You two seem to get along quiet well these days."

"So?"

"So."

"So, what?" I sneered as I had a small idea where this was going.

Draco crossed his arms like an insulated child. "So what are you doing all these hours you're together?"

Now I felt my face turn red, not from embarrassing, but pure fury. "Is that really what you want to ask me Draco? Or are you asking me if I'm cheating on you?"

"Well, are you?"

SMASH.

A deep red mark of five red fingers spread on Draco's pale face. "How dare you!" I screamed "How dare you even think that I could _ever_ do something like that to someone I love!"

Draco didn't reply, he seemed pretty confused that I actually smacked him. I didn't wait for him to answer. Instead I turned my back to him. Suddenly I could feel his hand on my shoulder, first I was afraid that he would slap me back but instead he said in a very low and sad voice. "I'm sorry Pansy"

I almost spit the words out of my mouth. I'd never thought I'd ever would hear myself say it. "Don't touch me!" I walked into the girls room letting his hand slide down from my shoulder behind me. I closed the door without even looking back.

I collapsed on my bed still wearing my close, but I was to exhausted to change into my nightdress. I closed my eyes. All I wanted to do right now was to sleep. I was too tired to even think about the consequences of what I just did. All I knew was that it sure made me fell a lot better to hear the sound of my hand smacking him on the cheek. A small smile spread on my lips as I drifted into sleep.

The following days I didn't talk to Draco. Every time I saw him I turned the other way. It seemed to bother him a lot, yet he didn't say anything.

To my hidden joy, all this was also affecting Draco's "relationship" with Astoria. Every time she tried to talk to him or hug him, he showed her off. Blaise enjoyed informing me of their every single move. When we sat by the table at break first, lunch or dinner we just loved sending each other secrets looks every time Draco hissed at Astoria.

Even though it was funny to feel the effect of my behaviour towards Draco, I knew it couldn't last. I missed him like crazy, and graduation was coming closer by each day.

Three days before graduation I decided that enough was enough. I saw him sitting in the soft couch in front of the fireplace, starring into the playing flames. The shadows in the dark room played in together with the flames. I walked soundless up behind him.

It was almost midnight and the common room was empty besides the two of us. I placed a hand on his shoulder, making him jump in surprise as he turned in his seat to face me.

"Hi" I said, not knowing what else to say.

For the first time in years I saw his eyes sparkle with joy as he locked them to mine. "Hi." he responded. Before I could say anything more he continued. "Pansy I'm so, so sorry for being like this to you. Can you ever forgive me?"

I held back the urge to just jump in his arms, screaming of happiness. In stead I sat down beside him taking my eyes away from him. "I'll think about it." I said but I was unable to hide the huge smile on my lips.

"You'll think about it?" He laughed a soft silent laughter as he drag me close to his body starting to tickle me in the side. I burst into laughter my self as I strangled to get loose. "Draco let me go." I managed to say in between my laughter.

Without doing as told he sent me a sly smile, "make me."

That was all I needed to hear, I leaned in and captured his lips with my own. I felt my whole body shiver as he pressed himself closer to me in one single movement. I placed my arms around his neck and let his tongue enter my mouth, battling with my own tongue.

A small moan escaped my lips. It felt like an eternity since he last kissed me like that, and I was unable ignore my burning desire for him. It was almost like he could sense how I felt, cause suddenly he deepened the kiss as one of his hands started to take off my top as the other one carefully, but steady pushed me back in the couch.

I followed the lead and laid back, he quickly placed him self on top of me as I started to unbutton his shirt, finally able to remove it from his pale body and throwing down beside the sofa, into the dark no where.

That night it felt like nothing else in the whole world excited. I didn't care about Astoria, cause I knew I had him. I didn't care if we were going to get busted or what Blaise would say when he found out how completely brainless I was that night, I just couldn't help my self. My body was screaming for his touch and my mind was screaming for his soft voice in my ears.

I had Draco, nothing else mattered.

How naive can one be right?

I woke up when the sunshine started to sent it's bright spring light over my face. I waited a little before opening my eyes, remembering the wonderful night I just had. As I decided to open my eyes I noticed that I was alone on the couch. I was wrapped in a soft green carpet. Confused and a bit angry that Draco had left me naked on the couch I started to grap my close on the floor, taking it on afraid that someone would enter the room. Luckily I seemed to be the only one awake.

I mumbled under my breath when I one hour later made it down to break first.


	4. Enough!

**Enough**

By Viggar

**Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the plot**

**A/N: So this will be the last**** chapter. Enjoy and please let me know what you think.**

When I placed my self on the chair beside Draco, I leaned in and whispered angry into his ear. "Thanks a lot for leaving me there!"

He stared at me blankly. "I didn't want to wake you up." His voice was cold and toneless.

I irritated shook my head.

I noticed how Astoria watch us. She had an expression on her face like she just tasted something horrible. That almost made me smile.

Blaise leaned in over the table and snapped his fingers in front of my eyes. First now I noticed he was sitting on the seat in front of me.

"What are you two whispering about?" He said and smiled, but I could see that he tried to hide a worried look.

"Trust me you don't want to know," I said and started to meaningless stick my fork into the egg on my plate.

He raised an eyebrow. "Try me."

"For crying out loud, we were just having sex last night, nothing more or less." Draco hissed.

I had no idea what made him so short tempered this day. On the other hand, it was always like playing the lottery with Dracos mode. Sometimes he was like a true treasure, but most of the time, he was just a disappointment.

Astoria suddenly got up and left in a hurry. I guess, it was caused by Dracos words. Just when the blond girl left the great hall Draco got up.

"Excuse me." then he left as well.

Blaise and I followed Draco with our eyes till he was no longer in sight. Then Blaise turned his brown eyes towards me.

Before he got the time to lecture me, I too got up and left the great hall. I saw Draco standing and talking to Astoria. She was crying. A few times I watched Draco trying to take her arm, but she refused. They were too far away in their argument to notice me, even though I was standing in the middle of the hallway.

"Draco you said you two were over! You promised me!"

"Don't you think I know that? It's just... complicated." He hissed back

Astoria took a step back as Draco took one closer to her. "Well, then I'll make it simple for you. If you haven't dumped her the day after the graduation party, then I'll take it as you picked her over me. I don't want to wait any longer."

Draco got even paler than usual. "But Graduation is tomorrow!"

"I guess you better figure out what you want then."

With those words she turned her heal and left.

I could see how longing Draco was watching her leave. It made me sick to watch. A part of me screamed that Blaise was right, that Draco wasn't worth it. That no matter what I would do, it would never be enough. But I couldn't let him go. I just couldn't!

"Draco are you all right?" I took a step closer, trying to ignore the feeling of a growing whole in my stomach.

First now he noticed me. "Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

I shook my shoulders and walked over to him. "I don't know. You just seem sad." I tried to give him my best puppy eyes, but they failed.

"I'm not" he said shortly.

I sighed and looked at my feet. "Okay if you say so."

He didn't reply. He was probably to lost in his own thoughts. I looked down the hall towards the Great Hall where Blaise were standing in the doorway.

"Well I gotta go." I informed. I quickly gave him a light kiss on the cheek before leaving him alone with his thought. I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked to Blaise.

I still didn't dare to look Blaise in the eyes. He turned and started to walk towards the library. I followed in silence. I knew that was what Blaise wanted me to, by the way it'd been a while since we last talked.

We entered the library and found a quiet corner. Blaise placed himself in front of a table, and I bumbled down on the chair across the table. He folded his hands in front of him and looked at me for a short while.

"So things are lighting up between the two of you I guess?" He tried to smile, but I knew that it was a lie.

"You don't have to pretend, you're happy about it," I informed and captured his eyes with mine.

Now a real smile played on the boys lips. "You can see right through me huh?"

"You're a open book to me," I smiled back.

"Really? Then what am I thinking right now?" He challenged and leaned forward in the chair, placing his elbows on the table. He crinkled his eyebrows.

I thought for a short moment and squeezed my eyes, trying to look like I was thinking really hard. "You're thinking that I shall be careful. That just because I won this round it doesn't mean I'm going to win the next and probably last one, and you're thinking that I'm too good for him." I squeezed my eyes even tighter. "Either that or, you're thinking about what's for dinner." I put up an innocent smile.

Blaise broke into laughter. "You're actually pretty good. Well not the last one, but still." Then he got a more serious look in the dark face. "But you're absolutely right about the first guess."

"I know," I mumbled. "Blaise I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I didn't think" I was looking at the table and didn't notice Blaise got up before he placed a hand on my shoulder and spun me around on the chair.

"Pansy, why are you apologizing to me? It's not like you did anything wrong."

Then I got up and leaned into his chest. I placed my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. "Blaise can I ask you something?"

Confused by my action Blaise just nodded,

"You promise me you won't be mad?" I looked up at him, and he returned my look.

"Of cause"

I took a deep breath. "Are we more than just friends? I mean, is there anything behind our friendship?"

He then placed both hands on my hips, and smiled. "I wish I could say yes, but no Pansy. Right now you're just very confused and broken, I could never take advantaged of that."

I could feel my heart pump hard in my chest. "But if I wasn't confused and broken? If I wasn't together with Draco." I whispered only inches from his face.

"But you are," he spoke softly.

My whole body was screaming to kiss him. But my comment séance kicked in and remembered me that I was taking. I belonged with Draco, no matter what he'd done to me. "I know. I'm sorry." I looked away, but still didn't let go of Blaise.

"Don't be." Blaises eyes were still on me. "I kind of liked the whole idea, but you probably already know that, I mean you can read me like an open book right?"

I laughed quietly. "Yes, that's right."

"Fine, then what am I going to do right now?"

I smiled and looked back up at him. "You're going to let go of me, and take me back to the common room before I seduce you any more."

He smiled but then he tightened his grip on my hips and leaned down and covered my lips with his own. I didn't protested. I kiss him back with everything I got. The kiss didn't last long though. He quickly pulled back and let go of my body. "I guess you can't read between the lines then." he joked.

"Either that, or I'm just too enchanting to pass you by." I joked back and winked.

"Okay whatever makes you sleep at night," he laughed. "But actually I was just doing it to let you know what you're missing."

I laughed as well. "Too bad for you that it worked the other way around then huh?"

"Now that's my girl." he raised his hand and I slapped in a high-five.

I knew that Blaise and I would never end up together. We were to different from each other. But it was still nice to live that small dream even though it only took a few seconds. I was now all sure that I truly belonged to Draco, not even Blaise could take his place. No one could ever take Dracos place. I just had to keep fighting till the end.

After a short while we entered the common room. I saw Draco was sitting in the couch in front of the fireplace. A stroke of bad conscience hit for a short while. But on the other hand, why would I feel bad. It was just an innocent kiss, nothing more, nothing less.

I sent Blaise a shy smile before I walked over to Draco and sat beside him. "So are you ready for the big day tomorrow?" I smiled.

"I guess" Draco mumbled. His chin was resting on his folded hands and his forehead was in deep wrinkles.

"That sounded cheering" I sighed and leaned back in the couch.

He looked at me, angry. "Well what else do you want me to say?"

"Please lets not argue" I begged

To my surprise, he suddenly completely relaxed "No you're right, I'm sorry these days has just been a little frantic with Quidditc and all. I hope you understand"

I sent him a small smile. "It's okay. I understand completely" _and more than you even know. _That I had to give him, with homework, Quidditc, two girls and graduation it couldn't be easy for him, that poor thing.

After sitting in silence for a short while, Draco got up. "We'll better go to bed."

I didn't protest, just got up and followed him to the girls door mentery room.

"Goodnight." he mumbled and looked down at me from his full hight.

"Goodnight." I spoke softly and watched him turn and walk away without even the smallest kiss goodnight. I sighed as a single tear ran down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and sniffled. I had a very bad feeling about who he was going to choose in the end.

The next day went so fast, I had so many things to do, with make up, my dress, my hair and stuff like that. The clock was seven before I even noticed it.

The other seventh years Slytherins, was like my self running around in the dormenteryroom to get the last things done. One by one they left and walked down stairs to their dates.

Both fifth and sixth years was also invited to the party in the Great Hall so there was a lot of noise in the common room that evening.

I took one last look in the mirror. I was wearing a light blue dress, it was sitting tight around my body down to the hips, after that it got loose and big. My long hair was sat up with small blue roses matching the dress. Long curls fell down on my shoulders.

"It's time" I mumbled to my self, took a deep breath and left the bathroom.

I paused before entering the common room. Then I finally found my lost bravery and walked in. Only two boys remained in the room, Blaise and Draco.

I could see how Blaise's eyes got big and a huge smile spread on his face.

This was it, my magic moment, but of cause thinking of my luck, it didn't last long.

"What took you so long!" Draco shifted impatient from one food to the other.

Then Blaise elbowed the blond hard in the site, mumbling: "idiot"

He then look at me with his big brown eyes. "You look absolutely beautiful Pansy, Draco here, shout be proud of taking you to prom." He sent Draco an evil and not so discrete look. "Right?"

Draco cleared his throat. "Of cause." he paused, noticing that I was waiting for some kind of complement. Then he awkwardly continued. "I like what you'd done to your hair," he looked down at his feet.

Wow, what a charmer huh? He liked my hair. Jerk.

I rolled my eyes and walked passed him, "let's just go."

He nodded and followed me down to the Great Hall, after a few minutes Blaise entered with his date, Cathrine, a Slytherin from sixth year.

The Great Hall was absolutely stunning. Flowers in all collars was covering the walls white birds flew around below the sealing and hundreds of butterflies swayed around showing their golden, silvery and white wings. A huge stage was where the teachers table used to be. (like to the Christmas ball in forth year). Even though the sealing was dark with thousands of shining stars, the birds and butterflies somehow lightened up the whole hall.

A band, that I didn't recolonized, was entertaining the audience with loud music and a beautiful girl singing their songs.

Blaise came up from behind me and placed a arm around my neck. "Wow, I must give the old man, (meaning Professor Dumbledor. Blaise always called him that), this is quit a show."

I nodded in agreement. "Absolutely, it's days like this, that remind me how much I really love this place."

Draco snorted. "Ha, you're a fool Pansy, who would love a place_ this_? All those disgusting mudbloods are everywhere!"

"So now I'm stupid for not feeling the exact same way that you do?" I hissed, but I tried to control my temper.

"Guys lets not fight on a night like this!" Blaise cut in. He placed his free arm around Draco's neck. "Let me go get us something to drink huh?"

"Sure" Draco mumbled looking at his feet.

"Super" Blaise let us both go, and started to walk towards the bar where house elfs were serving drinks and sweets. He turned around after a few steps, "and children, be nice!"

I smiled, but Draco didn't. Instead he was scanning the Great Hall from his place beside me. I felt like I had a rock in my stomach. I mean, it was not like I didn't know who he was looking for.

And there she was, in the middle of the dance floor, her long blond hair falling in perfectly curls down her back. She was wearing a light ping dress, around her waist was a perfectly folded loop in soft silk. She moved like a mermaid in the water, on the dance floor, yes perfect. All this perfectness almost made me sick, but what really got to me, was the way Draco was looking at her.

I could see it in his eyes, how much he longed for her. Right there I knew I had lost. I knew that he wasn't going to choose me in the end. But did I just give up? Of cause not, I had to keep going. Keep trying.

Blaise came back with four drinks, one to each of us.

Around midnight many had left the Great Hall to get some fresh air or going to bed. Blaise's date was one of the boring ones, who meant that her beauty-sleep was not to compromise. I wasn't tired at all, I was way to furious. Several of times I'd ask Draco to dance or just talk to me, but all the way he was way to busy, looking at Astoria.

All three of us was sitting around a small table saying nothing. Blaise had given up keeping the "good mode" between me and Draco long time ago. Now he was hanging over the table. His white shirt was a bit open and his was resting his head on his arms. He had a tired look on his face and just stared out into the thin air.

Draco was sitting in the chair across from mine with his legs crossed and his hungry eyes all over the dancing Astoria. I, as I said, was sitting across from him also with my legs crossed. My arms was crossed over my chest, and I was starring at Draco so hard and ice cold that I was impressed he hadn't got any frostbites yet.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I informed in an angry tone, and got up.

"See you in a bit," Blaise replied following me with his eyes.

Draco didn't say anything. I stopped up right in front of him, blocking his view to "Miss Universe" on the dance floor.

"Pansy, what the hell?" He hissed and stared at me.

"I said I'm going to the bathroom," I repeated in an angry tone.

"So what now, you need my help to hold your dress or something!" He spat

"No I need you to remove your legs so I can get by idiot!" I spat back.

Draco didn't reply. He just moved his legs letting me through.

"Sorry for ruining your perfect view" I mumbled not wanting him to hear it, but to my surprise he did.

Like a troll in a box he jumped to his feet leaning in over me. "What the hell is your problem Pansy!"

Blaise raised his head from his hands alarmed.

"Right now you are Draco!" I shouted back. People started to look our way, but I didn't care.

"Oh so I'm the problem here?" Draco took a step closer looking at me from his full high. I flinched, but I didn't remove my stare.

"Of cause not Draco, I am right? I always am."

"Now you're just ridicules Pansy." He rolled his eyes in frustration.

Behind him I spotted Astoria coming our way. Blaise had gotten up and looked like he didn't know where to put himself. "Here comes trouble." He mumbled when he spotted the blond girl as well.

Then she placed her hand on Draco's shoulder making him turn around to face her. "Hi Draco, you seems awfully tense. What about a dance, just to cool you down, before you rip her head off." She said with assumed sweetness in her voice.

Suddenly Draco's mood skipped from grumpy to happy in a few seconds. He smiled "sure" then turned to face me. "You wouldn't mind would you?"

Now this was the time I'd been waiting for. The time to finally give him a choice. "Yes, actually I do mind Draco, we were kind of in the middle of something in case you've already forgotten!" I hissed.

Draco blinked a couple of times, clearly not expecting that from me. Then he got his irritated look right back on. "Come on Pansy, it's just one dance!"

I refused to play along this time. "You wouldn't dance with me when I asked you!"

"Gees Pansy, calm down, it's just a dance!" He snapped

"I need to calm down!" I shouted. The crowed around us were getting bigger, but I completely ignored the curious looks everyone sent us. "You know what Draco? Dance with her all night if you want to, I'm not your mother, you don't need my permission for anything."

He sent me a doubtfull look.

"Go on," I added "don't let her wait." My eyes went wet, but I would not cry in front of all those people.

Draco looked like he didn't know what to do, but luckily for him, Astoria took a quick decision for him and dragged him after her out in the dance floor. However, Draco didn't seem doing anything to get loose.

"Pansy," Blaise said in a comforting tone, and looked at me with sadness in his eyes, but I tiredly cut him off.

"Blaise please don't," I took a deep breath. "I thought this was going to be the greatest day of my life, but I guess I was wrong."

I started to walk towards the double doors, pushing my way through the crowd.

Blaise called my name behind me, but I did not look back. I couldn't look back.

I left the Great Hall but stopped at the big marble staircase. Inside the Great Hall the music continued. But now it was a slowly song playing. For some reason I sneaked back towards the doors and looked inside.

Draco was dancing with Astoria. What a surprise. I just didn't understand why he would put me through all this pain, without caring at all. He was ignoring Blaise who seamed to shout something at him.

I listened to the sad song from the band and new fresh tears were rolling down my cheeks.

There were places we would go at midnight  
There were secrets that nobody else would know  
There's a reason but I don't know why  
I don't know why  
I don't know why  
I thought they all belonged to me

Who's that girl?  
Where's she from?  
No she can't be the one  
That you want  
That has stolen my world  
It's not real, it's not right  
It's my day, it's my night  
By the way  
Who's that girl living my life?  
Oh no, living my life

Seems like everything's the same around me  
Then I look again and everything has changed  
I'm not dreaming so I don't know why  
I don't know why  
I don't know why  
She's everywhere I wanna be

Who's that girl?  
Where's she from?  
No she can't be the one  
That you want  
That has stolen my world  
It's not real, it's not right  
It's my day, it's my night  
By the way  
Who's that girl living my life?

I'm the one who made you laugh  
Who made you feel  
And made you sad  
I'm not sorry  
For what we did  
For who we were  
I'm not sorry  
I'm not her

Who's that girl?  
Where's she from?  
No she can't be the one  
That you want  
That has stolen my world  
It's not real, it's not right  
It's my day, it's my night  
By the way  
Who's that girl living my life?  
Oh no, living my life

I couldn't take this any more. I'd been so sure that I could win him back, but now it was like all hope just abandoned me, leaving a big hole of nothing inside my heart.

I entered the common room. I had all these feelings inside me, but the worst of them, was the complete tiredness I felt. It was a tiredness that spread deep into my soul. I was tired of everything. Tired of Draco and his lies, tired of Blaise and his concerns, tired of being number two after Astoria. But what the hell was I supposed to do? I looked into the mirror on the dressing table beside my bed. Only a few hours ago I was absolutely sure that I could win him back. But it had just been an illusion. A stupid mistake. Why did I always had to be so weak around Draco.

I studied myself in the mirror. I really looked perfect, but still I hated what I saw. The necklace I'd got from Draco, were dangling slowly from the thin chain around my neck. I screamed out in frustration and closed my right hand around the small stone. I screamed again and pulled if off, making the chain break. Then I threw the jewelry into the mirror as hard as I could. A small piece from the mirror fell down and landed on the table. I kept on screaming out loud as I took everything on the dressing table and threw it at the mirror. Perfume, make-up, everything I could find.

The mirror broke into hundreds of pieces that spread over the floor and into my bed. At last I sat down in the bed feeling completely helpless.

My whole life I had been fighting for Draco. I always lived my life after what he wanted; I'd always been the one he wanted me to be. But if I couldn't be that person any more, then who was I? What was I meant to do? How could I ever be different? Would I ever find someone who could understand me better than Draco? Or did he even understand me at all? And worst, would I ever be able to say no to him? To finally break free from his web, and finally start a life of my own?

All these questions ran through my mind. I had no idea how to answer any of them. It was like there was this huge storm inside me, threading to tare me apart.

So how do you carry on, when all you ever been living for, is gone?

I sniffled, I couldn't even make myself say that Draco and I was over, even though I knew it would be the right thing to do.

As I placed my hands behind me, I felt a sharp pain in my forefinger. I lazily tilted my head to the side, to find out what had just stung me. It was a big piece of the broken mirror. I put my bleeding finger in my mouth and held up the piece of glass with the other one. For a few moments I studied my reflection. The person staring back at me was no longer the girl I used to know. She was no longer the smiling, happy, always-at-the-top Pansy Parkinson. No this girl was different. Sad, thin, miserable.

"Look what you'd done to me Draco," I whispered to my self. A tear slowly ran down my face. Why? Why should I suffer like that? It should have been Draco who was suffering, not me. I did not deserve this!

Then another thought crossed my mind. Maybe I could _make_ Draco suffer. I looked at the sharp piece of mirror in my hand, as a scary but yet releasing idea hit me. I thought it through. It would completely stop my suffering, and Draco would have to live with it the rest of his life, so as I sat there on the bed it seemed like an win-win situation.

I took the sharpest end of the glass and held it against my pale skin just where the artery were most visible. I took in a deep breath. It just seemed like the only way, I just couldn't bare to loose Draco, it was to much. A closed my eyes and bored the shape object into my thin skin.

I made a grimace, it sting a bit, but I kept on pressing. I could feel the warm blood run down my relaxed hand. I slowly opened my eyes. The blood were quickly collaring my dress and sheets. I quickly switched the piece of glass into the other hand and cut my wrist there as well.

It didn't take long before I felt dizzy. I leaned back into the bed and closed my eyes. Not wanting to open them ever again, but then I heard the door into the room open. Suddenly a familiar voice screamed my name. I felt how I was lifted up from the bed, I wanted to place my arms around Draco's neck, but I just couldn't find the energy to do so. My whole body was just slack.

Before it all turned black, I pictured my self standing in a garden in a perfectly white wedding dress. It was spring, but it was warm like on a summer day. Birds were singing and my whole family were sitting on the chairs in front of the home-made alter, witch was filled with white roses. I could feel the groom holding my hand, but I couldn't see his face. It was just blurred, but I knew that this was right.

Slowly I started to open my eyes, I was tired and my brain felt fuzzy, but I didn't feel drained like before. There was light everywhere around me, and I remember asking my self if this was heaven. Though after a few seconds the surroundings got a bit darker and more clear. I was staring into the sealing of the hospital wing.

I blinked a few times and looked to my right. I saw Draco sitting beside the bed holding my covered wounds. His white shirt was covered in blood. He looked at me, his grey eyes were filed with sadness and guilt. Behind him stood Blaise he also looked at me with sadness in his brown eyes.

"Pansy you're awake" Draco got up from the chair he had been sitting on and leaned closer to my face.

I blinked a few times and recalled the incident. "How long have I been out?" I asked in a hoarse voice.

"Almost four hours," Blaise replied from behind the blond.

"Miss Parkinson, what in Merlin's name were you thinking!" Madame Pomfrey, quickly came to my bed looking ready to kill.

"I... don't know," I replied honestly. I suddenly felt really stupid.

"I will assure you that we'll talk about this. Both your teachers and professor Dumbledore would like to talk to you as well! Of cause, not before after you'd get some sleep."

"Sleep?" I repeated, "but I just woken up."

Madam Pomfrey made a gesture with her hand. The healing poison I gave you, is working best when your body is completely relaxed, therefore you need to sleep.

She looked at Blaise and Draco. "So off you go, I promised you could stay till she woke up, but now she needs to rest.

Blaise nodded in understanding, but I could see the hurt in his eyes as he looked down at me. Be bended in over me and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. His brown eyes meat mine, but I could see, that he had a lot of things to think of, and it made my heart fill over with guilt.

Draco got up from the chair but didn't let go of my hand. Blaise left the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey looked at Draco waiting for him to follow his fellow student.

I looked at the nurse. "Can I talk to him for just a few minutes?"

She looked at me in disbelieve, then sent me an irritated look. "You got two minutes." Then she hurried into her small office, in the end of the wing.

We both watched her until she was gone behind the closed door. I looked at Draco, for the first time in my life, I saw him with tears in his eyes. "Pansy," he spoke softly.

I looked at him awaiting.

"I thought I would never get the chance to tell you..." he paused.

I waited for the bomb to fall. This was it. The moment of truth.

".. to tell you that.. I love you.." He looked at me like a scared little child.

I blinked a couple of times. "what?" I whispered choked

"I love you, Pansy." He repeated.

I closed my eyes. This wasn't right. I did not prepare for this at all. I'd never seen it coming. If this was his way to show his love then...

I took in a deep breath

"If that's true Draco," I opened my eyes again and looked at him. "Then I need you to prove that to me."

A small smile spread on his face. "I know I've been a jerk to you Pansy, and I'm so sorry! Of cause I'll do anything to make it up to you, just tell me what to do."

"If you really love me," I sniffled, "then I need you to stay away from me."

Draco looked puzzled at me. "What?"

"You heard me," I said in a soft tone. "I can't do this any more Dray, please help me get over you."

Draco was about to reply when the door to madam Pomfrey's office swung open and the nurse started to march in their direction.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" He asked confused a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I'm sure." I said and sighed.

The nurse looked at Draco. "Time to go Mr. Malfoy." she started to push him in the direction of the door. He sent me a sad look over his shoulder but I turned my head away until I heard the door close behind him.

The nurse walk over to my bed and ordered me to get some sleep. For the first time in a very long time I felt free. The huge hole in mu heart was still there, but from now on I just had to focus on getting it healed instead of keep scrapping up the falling pieces. I knew I needed to talk to Blaise and the teachers and Dumbledore, but this was only small things I needed to deal with, and I would do so as soon as possible.

But for now I could just lean back and enjoy my right decision.

s

**A/N: So this was the last chapter, but I'm working on the epilogue, hopefully it won't take that long before it's done. Anyway I'd really enjoyed making this story, you know that feeling when someone just treat you so bad, but you can't seem to find your way out of it? Well that exactly how I've been feeling when I started to write this story. You know when you have all these feelings inside of you and you don't know how to get them out of your system, well this was my way, and it worked! So people, you all deserve the best, so don't bother wasting your time on someone who isn't interesting in giving you that! **

**And with that said, thank you to all my wonderful readers, I love you guys!**


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

By Viggar

**Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing but the plot**

**A/N: So here's the last "chapter" (if you can call it that?) to my story I'll Tell Him... Tomorrow. Even though it's a very sad story, it had been so much fun to write it. I really hope you all are pleased with it, and like the way it turns out in the end (;**

**Good reads and remember to review (:**

As I said earlier, I'm sitting on my bed now, trying to sort things out. Trying to remember how I could ever fall for a guy like Draco Malfoy. In my hand I hold an old photograph from our fourth year at Hogwarts. This was taking on the day of the Christmas ball. On the picture I laugh and try to make Draco wave at the camera without any luck.

I smile to myself before putting the photograph back into the box, witch is standing on the bed beside me.

There's a slight knock on the door, and I look up just to see a smiling girl walk into the bedroom. Her long dark curls falls perfectly down her shoulders. I smile back at her.

"So did you find it?" She ask and pop down beside me.

"Yes I did sweetie," I took up an old looking neck-less a green sapphire stone shines back at us.

She lift her long hair and turn her back to me. I lock the chain in the neck.

The main reason I kept the neck-less from Draco, I guess was because I at that time didn't know if I was ready to let him go. I kept it and hid it to prove to myself that I didn't wanted it any more.

One day I threw it in the trash, but my daughter Lucy found it and asked if she could keep it. By then I didn't like the idea, but since she didn't want me to threw it out I put it back into the box and assured her that she could have it on her first school day, witch is today.

She gets up and turns a few times in front of the mirror before she looks back at me. "Thank you mommy, now let's go, I won't miss the train!"

Twenty years have gone by since I graduated from Hogwarts, so a lot of things have changed. For once I married a muggle named Adam, we have two lovely children. Lucy, who's eleven and Kaya who just turned fifth teen.

"Come on mom!" Lucy calls from down stairs. I got up and walk down the stairs. Addam smiles at me, and shook his shoulders.

"Sorry honey, she just can't be tames," he winked as Lucy push him lightly in the side.

"Yes I can dad, just not by you," she laugh as he tickles her.

"Is that so huh?" He reply and she laugh harder.

Kaya rolled her eyes, as she places her black hair in a ponytail. "Come on mum, I really would hate to arrive to Hogwarts in dad's car.. again!"

I almost laugh and walk down to my family. I know she's talking about one year where Lucy caused so much trouble because she stole her big sisters wand. We used hours to find it and ended up missing the train witch ended up in Adam driving her all the way to Hogwarts in his car. At that time he refused to use magic, but well lucky that had changed now.

I place myself in the middle of my family and take their hands. Being the only one who can use magic. Then I use transfiguration to bring us to the station.

At the platform Kaya quickly leaves us to meet up with her friends. Adam kiss Lucy on the cheek and smiles. They start talk about the amazing year she is going to have but I stop listing as I spot a tall man with blond hair, beside her stands his blond wife. She's also saying goodbye to their son.

I read about Scorpius Malfoy in the Daily Prophet once, but that was many years ago. It was around the time he was born. Well must been eleven years ago then. Now all I read in the Prophet about the Malfoys is how many times they almost broke apart. Looking at the three of them, the rumours appears to be true. Astoria sends her son away and then starts a small argument with Draco.

Suddenly the blond man looks up and our eyes meets. I see how his face lighten up and he starts to walk towards us ignoring Astoria who's shouting after him.

I roll my eyes. I didn't count on meeting Draco.

Lucy looks up at me "Right mum?"

First now I notice that Adam is looking at me too, a smirk playing on his lips. "You weren't listening were you?"

Looking from Adam to Lucy I slowly shake my head. "Sorry sweetie."

"Oh that's okay mum, I know I am right." She winks at Adam.

Draco finally reach us, Astoria following closely behind with a sour look on her face.

"Pansy, how are you doing?" He smiles brightly, something I haven't seen since fourth year at Hogwarts.

"I'm fine," I coldly reply. "You?"

"Oh I'm okay." He sends Astoria a irritated look.

Along came the deadly silence. Then my Adam put his hand forward for Draco to shake it. "I don't think we met?" Adam smiles. His so cute, always longing to know as much to the magical world as possible. "I'm Adam."

Draco looks at him and I can see how he crinkle his nose in disgust, though he tries very hard to hide it. "Muggle right?"

Adam who still hold his hand forward just smiles, completely unaware that he just meet one of the most muggle-hating persons in the world. "yes that's correct," he laugh a warm brief laughter, "before I meet Pansy I didn't even know that magic excited."

"Interesting," Draco replied still not shaking the hand in front of him.

"Adam! Pansy!" A voice called from behind. I turn around and spot Blaise coming my way. Beside him walks Roselie, his wife, who also happens to be my best friend.

Blaise shake hands with Adam, "Hi mate, how are you?"

First now Blaise notice Draco and Astoria. He turns around with a smile. "Dray! Long time no see."

Draco and Blaise started to talk about old times, Roselie hugs Adam then me. Then she looks down at Lucy. "Hi princess, are you looking forward to your first visit on Hogwarts?"

Lucy nodded hard on her head. "Christa is waiting for you in the train, she gladly informed. "She's so excited too."

Lucy looks up at me. Mum I'll got to go! Christa is waiting for me!" She hugs me close and shortly after Adam.

"I see you, and don't forget to write!" She disappear into the train

A short moment after the train starts to leave the platform. Christa and Lucy winks from their sets by the window. We all wink back.

Roselie then looks at me, "So see you on Tuesday."

"Yes, we do," I reply and smiles.

Blaise shakes hands with Draco and then turn to Adam. "So I'll bring the wizard chest and you'll bring the whisky," he wink.

"As always," Adam replies and clap Blaises hand in a high five.

"See you around Dray," Blaise turns to his wife. And they leave.

I look at Adam who wrap his arm around me. "Let''s go home." I nod and turn to Draco and Astoria. "Bye Draco, it was nice seeing you again."

"Maybe we should meet up someday," Draco said ans ignored Astorias angry face.

I wrap my arm around Adam and smile polite. "I don't think so." I just reply. Then I drag Adam with me and leave the platform with a smile on my face.

So I never got to tell Draco that I knew, but in the end, it didn't even matter.

My name is Pansy Parkinson, and I have absolutely _no_ regrets.


End file.
